There is a reason why they said, love always comes before sex. If you skip love, you'll regret what you did. You feel so bad after doing it and all in the name of one night of pleasure. I truly regret what I did, I feel cheap and used now. Too desperate, I hate myself right now. I really want someone to treasure me and tell me I'm beautiful not empty words and to only LOVE me. Sex shouldn't be on his/her mind at all. :(. So used... really.
I can't see you in that light anymore. You are too cheap in my mind now.
I'm so bad at controlling myself. (T_T)
A friend of mine mentioned that I seemed to have lost weight which in fact I did. 5kgs yo! That's quite a feat. It's so warming when you hear your friend tell you that you've lost weight. It's like a compliment. Teehee! But the medicine hasn't been working again but is my fault because I haven't been taking them regularly and watching what I eat. I've gotten back to eating the usual portions I've been taking. Those pills help to suppress my hunger pangs so I've gotta start taking them more frequently to prevent myself from snacking on more food.
I think the main reason why the pills aren't working is because the amount of food I eat. I weight myself after showering it seems to stay at 75 kgs, but after dinner. It's always 76, I'm thinking that it is actually working just that I've been more than I putting out. SO THE ONLY WAY IS TO CUT WHAT I EAT. Which is what I'm doing now.
I hope I stick with it, I want to have a nice body and figure but it's a long way to my ideal weight. That would be like 45 kgs for person my height(155cm). That's like a 30 kg drastic drop. I'll have to go at it little by little, so right now I'm just aiming to shed off the next 5 kgs and bring it down to 70, and then to 65, 60,55... you get the picture.
I just hope I don't lose the drive halfway through! I want to be skinny! I want to be able to wear nice things! I want to be cute! I want to be healthier! I want to be able to move quicker and have better stamina! All of that only comes with less body fat being lugged around on my body. I MUST KEEP THE WILL.
I MUST CONTROL MY PORTION SIZE, and try to exercise. LOL!
Till then, I better loose some more weight or I'll sulk in front of my computer like How I am now. XD!
It takes a lot of effort to emancipate yourself from something you love and care about. I feel like a child who keeps moving from house to house with no permanent place to settle down. Everything is but a temporary existence. It shatters a child's self esteem because their trust keeps getting betrayed; nothing is for certain.
When it comes to making choices between 2 places, of the course the one that win outright would be the one where most memories were kept, or the best events have taken place. But what if the places both held memories but of different genres yet still essential to the holder of those memories.
I left Singapore hesitantly because I know i would leave the friends i loved behind, as much as we would tell each other we would write and keep in touch. In reality, that is never true. Keeping in contact would still be possible but that connection will slowly but surely sever. Sever to the point that you have forgotten about it because of the little cracks that began to eat away at the bonds.
I'm afriad of loosing the friends I have here, each one has a part of me in them and them in my heart. Should I leave, A part of me will stay with them and I don't think will ever be able to recover that lost of portion of my youth anymore. I'm a person who feels heavily, I depend a lot on my emotions. So I don't know how I am going to take leaving this country. I'm surprised I haven't broken down from all these broken trust and insecurities yet.
Maybe I will one day....
Who knows?
