Within this long holiday, a revelation has revealed itself to me.

I no longer yearn for love, for it's attention nor do I yearn for her anymore.

Gone are the calls after dark, the willful questions and chatting with you when you appear.

You are now just a dream I was after.
A fleeting dream bound not to return. I don't think of you anymore.
I acknowledged the fact that I cannot have her and it does not pain me nor cause me discomfort to even think about her. The emotions I felt for her have left, what remains is indifference. It is no more a need to hold and feel you. The butterflies have died, the flower of spring has withered away to make way for new leaves. You will always be my friend. But know this, you were once more than a friend in my heart.


This is the emancipation of Gemmei.

I am at peace with myself, no more random injections and happy smiles. I will not show you the facades I place on myself. I will let everyone see the bare me, the empty, powerless, vulnerable and ugly me. That is the true me. I hide my secrets from everyone because it will hurt. If a new peer asks if I yearn for someone or something I will tell them that I not in love with anyone and I don't feel fit to love anyone. No one will love me nor do I wish to have it. I am a wilful child if is what I am denied that so be it. I will learn to love only like friends and family. The tank for love is empty and broken, holes of heartache have punctured my brain and the lock to my heart have rusted. Should the key be lost at sea and never be found. I will accept that as my fate. I will live out my life as a single individual loving those who had grew up with no love. This children need care and deserve more love than I do and I hope and pray they will find their own true love and forge their own future. To nurture and give the next generation hope. I have resigned my fate.

It is time to grow up, to forget your past and live for the future.

I still feel strangely empty inside.

Every year, I hope for a present that is thought provoking.
I hope and wish with all my heart that It will shower it's blessings on this being.

I yearn for the intangible.
Something that can satiate me for all eternity.
What I talk of is nothing materialistic.


A bond and emotion that invokes euphoria.
A feeling that causes such heartbeat in me.




Your love is the best present I will ever receive.

Packing my room, I found a card written to me. A birthday card made for me. Your words really made me twinge with guilt. I don't deserve your friendship.

I become friends with you because I wanted to get close to someone else. You were the target I chose because I saw you as being very close to her.

I have used you, for that I cannot digest the words you write in that birthday card.

I'm so sorry.

I have been hiding this from you. I want to come clean now. I have held this secret in me.

Sorry my friend.

I still love you.


































..........Very very much.

This goes out to the one I gave my heart to. The emotions that you made me feel are so real and raw that I sometimes wonder why I hide it. This feeling cannot be wrong.


Today is a winding road
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa
Today in the blink of an eye
I'm holding on to something and I do not know why I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation; what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know, whoa
Today I'm on my own
I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone, I don't know

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think I'll make it out but you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
And I said

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

Boys like Girls - Thunder

Each of you is a gem,
Hidden in Time,
Polished by Man
and made to shine.

This little paragraph goes out to my friends. I love you guys soooo much.

A fight running behind tree? A big crowd fighting, the other team advancing as we gain on each other. Zanger Marsh smiled sadly and broke down. I went to her side to try and comfort her and she ran away.

Don't go!.... Your even further now.
















I wonder what to do with my emotions.

Labels: dreams

This is called "FIRST REACTIONS QUIZ". You have to type the 1st thing that comes to mind whenever you hear these 34 things. You can't think and go back and change your answers.
Beer: Bitter
McDonald's: Fries
Relationships: Something I'll never have
Purple: Sexually deprived
Power Rangers: GO GO POWER RANGERS
Cell Phone: Iphone
Steroids: Muscle-y!
Cartoons: D'oh!
-
Tupperware: Jessica
Hawaii: Ohana!
Santa Claus: Jolly Old man
Halloween: Jack Skellington
friendster: My link to friends
Clowns: Scary asses.
Marriage: I want.
Paris: Oui!
One night stands: Condoms plz
Donald Trump: Balding
Neverland: Pedophile Haven
Dixie chicks: I used to hear them on the Radio
Vanilla ice cream: Common, widely accepted
High school: Bad memories
Trojan: Horse
Pajamas: Ducky Shirt and pants
Wet Socks: Fungi Breeding ground

I stole this from someone on Friendster. XD

In the mall
everyone beckons to nature's call.
In the sterile toilets,
strewn all over over are paper sheets and ciggarette butts

A tiny cubicle,
a drama has unfurled.
red liquid seeps from an fresn cut,
she stares at the life-giving blood.

If you succomb,
then my work here is done.
I live from your fear,
and those you hold truely dear.

Back at school,
everything they said to her was bull.
She cries alone,
because everybody hasn't grown a backbone.

Classroom mayhem is always a start,
It's always her; with any luck.
She bears it all,
until she can hold it no more.

If you succomb,
then my work here is done.
I live from your fear,
and those you hold truely dear.

hey there, Its been a while.
Meh, sometimes I don't understand why sudden occurrences happen.

Is it to test me?
Is it to punish me?
Is it to make m repent?

I really wonder though.

If love is a journey, then I am already at a crossroad.

Give me strength whoever that is up there.

If love is a labour, I'll slave till the end
I won't cross these streets till you hold my hand.

To return or to go,
That is the question.

Meh, A levels? I haven't got A levels.