A dream so odd and so sudden. I don't know what I'm feeling.
A car drops me off in this big 3 story house with hollow in the centre. 2 Guys live on the first floor. One of the comes to greet me, my ex-housemate living in this house. The two guys show me around the house. I meet the other tenant, A girl who lives on the top floor. We go through each floor describing each one. We cross to the top floor, a staircase built from the 2nd floor to the third in the centre with nets to support it. Why am I not afraid? I reach the top. I will sleeping in the space next to her bed. With her on the top floor. The other 2 tenants dissappear and I'm left with my ex-housemate.
"It's been a long time, I've missed you". I engulf him a hug, a hug that feels like forever; I can feel the warmth broadness of his chest holding me as I rest against it. I reach up to plant a wet kiss on his cheek. For a long time my lips stay there. Why?
The Dream ends. I still can feel my lips being wet and my body still feeling that broad chest. I'm craving attention.
Another dream, together with a boy in the house. A dissater happens, can't remember what it is.
Dream End.
Do I crave the attention of a boy or was it because I hugged someone this week. My body feels the need for accompaniment.
You never saw me as How I saw you. It doesn't matter anymore. I don't feel the need to talk to you anymore. You are actually boring and so quiet. I don't know why I thought you were something so great when you are just another person trying to make her way through life. I should stop putting people on a pedestal and making them greater than what they are.
I say I've gotten over you but I still like to look at your pictures. To see your face. I want to keep looking at that face. It's something so beautiful, so innocent, so happy. I just want to see more of you. I don't know whether is it me wanting your love or me just being friend like. I know I'm obsessed with you. I sound like a stalker and I know that but I don't know how to get closer to you. :( I still want to see more of you. I attend practice partly because of you but my reasons are slowly changing. At the same time, I'm losing the will to attend anymore. It's started to feel like a constant bashing week with no returns. You will say that it's because I only attend the bare minimal that's why I'm so weak but even if I do attend more practices I don't think that I can manage them. My physical ability is so pathetically non-existent. I'm only do this for the grading, once that is over I'll think whether I still want continue with Kendo. It was fun while it lasted but I'm starting to feel the drain on myself now. I don't feel like I connect anymore...
I'm so pathetic.
