Its not that I can't tell you how I feel but growing up bottling my thoughts has been a way of life for me. I don't really share whats in me for many reasons.

I don't want to get hurt, to invest in something and then lose it really hurts the heart.I grew up around boys, We talked more about sports and games we could play then sharing our feelings.So the issue of feelings were not discussed.

I never made friends till I was eleven, so I guess sharing my thoughts was never really an option for me. For you to present this opportunity to me now is abrupt and shocking. I don't know how to start and if even i do, you will see a girl who is crying inside.

I am fortunate, for that I give thanks. I love my parents,my siblings, my friends, my dog. I love all of you from the bottom of my heart. You all helped me grow in so many ways. Even if I don't share my thoughts and emotions with you, I will listen to yours.

I envy you , joviality, persistence, you embody the traits I so very much wish to emulate. I want to be like you . I want to be top dog like you. I want to shower my love and care on you. To fawn on you, to be your guiding light, to be your pillar, to be the shoulder you wish to cry on. Yet this emotion called fear holds me back, please remove every last bit of fear away from me.

I know you will retort and say You were never truly happy, it is but a farce and a facade you put up to hide the pain and anguish inside yet the ability to even show a happy face is something I'd like to have. No matter how "happy" I may be, I still hurt inside, I still want to know what keeps you smile.

Don't push my away, "Why do you keep annoying us" Those words cut me like a razor blade on jelly. My pokes and hits are harsh and sometimes uncontrollable but please I beg of you, don't run away. I don't know how to show "love" or rather to actually potray love. I fear putting forth my love so I do it in a nudging way. That is my "love"

So please......






















Don't go.