You can't be friends with a girl you like, I don't know how true is that statement. But yes, I've given up on her. My heart has finally died for her. I don't feel the need to hang out with her anymore. She has gotten herself a boyfriend now As much as I am happy for her, I still was upset she didn't tell me she got herself a boyfriend. She forgot we are still friends, I would love to still be friends with her. There is no ulterior motive to what I wanna do but it's sad to see someone you know and invested so much and time and emotions slowly disappear and you can't do anything about it.

It's slowly moving farther and farther away. I doubt what I do now can bring it back to what it was before. I know she has her own schedule but this semester is almost over and I haven't had the chance to hang out with her yet. It's very sad.

I have killed my heart of emotions for her. I've left all that joy before.

I enjoy the calmness I have now.

Yet, at the same time. I still like this other girl. What the hell am I doing? Can I not like someone and be myself? Why are my emotions all over the place. A good friend told me to control my emotions. I did and I still am doing it. But I still feel a longing albeit a small one to her. My emotions to her have changed over the semester. I don't get excited to see her anymore but I do know that I worry for her and I want her to be happy and calm. Just knowing she is there makes me so happy. I feel so comfortable feeling this bond. Maybe I'm just over imagining it. She doesn't want a relationship and I respect that decision but I still like her. I don't know what I'm doing to myself because we all know where this is going to go. A small portion of me still wishes and hope. I know this is will come to no good end but why do I still feel for her then?

I've seen one of her friends get hurt the same way, continuing to love her special someone until she heard those dreaded words " I like this guy". It's such a crushing feeling, the whole world has gone down. The shock is so mind-numbing.

I just don't know what to do with myself. Maybe I'm just thinking I like her. Why?